


You Are My Sunshine

by chanonfire



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 06:25:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6363085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanonfire/pseuds/chanonfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joshua, Seungcheol, and most importantly,  Jeonghan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

_May 24, 2014, 1:41 AM_

The day that was meant to mean a lot to everyone who wanted to move on. 

“What are you doing?” Jeonghan climbed out of the window and onto the roof where Joshua was sitting, contemplating about something. Joshua ignored his words and stared at the night sky, ignoring the presence of Jeonghan like he always did. But Jeonghan doesn’t mind, instead he gets into a comfortable position and lies down next to Joshua and stares at the night sky too. 

“Today is the day we graduate.” Jeonghan side glances towards Joshua and goes back to looking at the sky blankly. 

“Yeah,” Jeonghan replied briefly. “Is that why you’re like this?” 

The two boys made eye contact with each other, Joshua glaring at Jeonghan. They held eye contact for a while until Jeonghan broke out into a fit of laughter, he was laughing so hard that he was clenching his stomach. Joshua watched the boy wipe away the tears he shed from laughter with concern. The mood suddenly turned quiet once again when Jeonghan stopped laughing. 

“Are you worried about something?” Jeonghan broke the silence while watching for Joshua’s actions, trying to find any clue on what can be going on. 

“You… are you…” Joshua sighed out of frustration, “You’re not going to leave me, are you?” The way he said it made it sound like a plea for help. 

Jeonghan stared at Joshua with widened eyes. Suddenly, he felt himself stumbling for words to reply with. The effort was too much so Jeonghan finds himself staring at the ground like he always did when he was at loss for words. 

“We have been together since we were little kids; I can’t leave you even if I tried.” 

“Huh?” Joshua looked at Jeonghan only hoping to find the meaning of what he had just said in his eyes. It was useless though, you can’t find answers to someone’s soul when their windows are staring at the ground. 

“I can’t leave you.” Jeonghan repeated his words to Joshua, this time with confidence. 

Joshua smiled at the boy and got up from where he was sitting, carefully walking back to his bedroom’s window. With relief in his eyes, he turned back and looked at Jeonghan who was now sitting up, watching his every move. Joshua held out his hand to Jeonghan and said words that Jeonghan could never forget. 

“It’s a relief to hear you say that but,” Jeonghan grabbed Joshua’s hand and let him pull him up from his seat. “If it hurts too much, don’t hold back for me anymore.” That was the day Joshua forced a promise upon Jeonghan under the night sky. It was also the day that he gave Jeonghan one less thing to worry about. 

_May 24, 2014, 11:14 AM_

The day Joshua and Jeonghan moved on to different parts of their lives.


	2. Chapter 2

“I will.” Joshua watched as Jeonghan got into his car and put on his seat belt. The sound of the engine signaled for Joshua to prepare for the long three months that are yet to come. 

“Hey,” Jeonghan peeked his head out of the window. Joshua was listening but not looking at the boy. “Look at me.” 

Joshua looked up from the ground and stared into Jeonghan’s eyes.

“I’ll be back.” Joshua nodded, indicating that he’ll be okay. Jeonghan pulled him in for one last hug that lasted for moments until Joshua pulled away and gave Jeonghan one last look into his eyes and nodded. Without another word Jeonghan sighed and stepped on the pedal, telling his car to go. 

Joshua stayed in the same spot even after hours have passed since Jeonghan left. Another chance that he lost to tell Jeonghan what he really felt but it wasn’t that that was bothering him. It was the look in Jeonghan’s eyes that were really bothering him. Jeonghan’s warmth didn’t seep through his skin like it usually did and his eyes were filled with hopeless resolve, something he hasn’t seen since freshman year.

—

_Flashback: April 9, 2011 4:44 AM_

Joshua lied sleeping on his queen sized bed with Jeonghan right next to him. Both of them did this usually, sleepovers. Almost every sleepover included a conversation about how much Joshua learned how to appreciate the sound of guitars or how much Jeonghan loved  the autumn skies. But what lies beyond those pointless conversations and why couldn’t Jeonghan fall asleep that night like he usually did? 

“Jisoo.” Joshua hated when someone called him by his real name but for some reason he didn’t mind when Jeonghan said it. Jeonghan turned to his side and faced Joshua’s back. 

“Are you awake?” No response. Jeonghan sighed and turned to lie on his back, looking at the ceiling. He smiled when he realized that the glow in the dark stars he put on Joshua’s ceiling when they were eight years old still light up. Next to him Joshua turned and faced Jeonghan with closed eyes, still sleeping. Jeonghan pushed the hair out of his face and took one long look at how peaceful he looked then. He was so distracted he didn’t even feel the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes. 

“I want to look for him.” Jeonghan quietly whispered between sobs. “I want to show him how much he hurt me.” At this point Joshua was awake but Jeonghan didn’t notice since he was too busy sobbing. 

“I want him to feel the pain I’m feeling now.” Joshua wrapped his arms around Jeonghan’s neck and cooed comforting words into his ears even when he knew they were no use. Joshua doesn’t know how long Jeonghan stayed in his arms and cried his eyes out but he really didn’t mind. What matters the most was that he was the one who was able to wipe away his tears. Jeonghan looked up at him and started to apologize but Joshua only nodded his head in disagreement.

“Just tell me what’s going on when you’re ready.” Jeonghan’s tears started to fall again but Joshua only did what he was doing for the past couple of hours, all he did was wipe them away. He glanced at the clock; 4:44 AM. 

“Go to sleep. We only have a couple of hours to sleep then we have to get back up for school.” 

In a way, Joshua was surprised on how fast Jeonghan could fall asleep peacefully like he usually did, but what really surprised him was how on that very same day of school Jeonghan acted the way he usually did. To others he may have looked the same but to Joshua, there was a change. A change he could tell simply by looking into his eyes. That change was the look in his eyes, almost as if emptiness has taken over but at the same time they were filled with resolve.

_End of flashback_

“Just don’t do anything stupid, Jeonghan.” Those were the words that Joshua wanted to tell him. He said them out loud anyways knowing that there was no possible way Jeonghan could have heard him. Despite that, Joshua hopes that his words would somehow reach him.

 _June 3, 2014 7:27 PM_  

That was the day Jeonghan decided that he will no longer hold back.

—

Joshua hates summer. Hate is not a good enough word he can use to describe how much he dislikes it. He hates how the summer heat feels against his skin, he hates how his ice cream melts faster than usual, and most importantly, he hates that this was a summer he couldn’t see Jeonghan. Joshua walks outside of his house with another box filled with his belongings in his arms, sweat already dripping down his forehead.

“Do you need help hyung?” Joshua turned to the direction the voice was coming from.

“Jihoon! When did you get back?”  Joshua asked looking at the younger one.

“I got home from abroad a couple days ago.” Jihoon grabbed the box that was in Joshua’s arms and carried it to the car for him. “Where’s Jeonghan hyung?”

“He went to some trip who knows where, you know how he is.” Jihoon nodded, agreeing with his words.

“Come inside.” Joshua started walking towards the front door and signaled him to follow him with his hand. “This heat is killing me.” Jihoon followed the boy inside happily. There, Joshua poured a cup of lemonade and handed it to Jihoon.

“So, are you already moving out for college?” Joshua nodded, taking a sip out of his lemonade.

“What about you? Are coming back to Korea to study?”

“No, just to visit, I only have one year left to graduate. Might as well finish it in America and come back to study some more.” Both of the boys sat in the kitchen in comfortable silence sipping on their lemonades.

“Well I have to go eat dinner with my parents, see you later!” Jihoon got up from his seat and started heading out the door but he stopped midway out and turned back to look at Joshua.

“Oh yeah one more thing, Jeonghan said hi and that he’ll be back next month. See ya!” Before Joshua could reply Jihoon was already out the door and long gone. He sat down dumbfounded by the younger’s actions but he smiled anyways. Joshua took a sip out of his lemonade and scrunched his nose realizing that the melted ice has ruined its flavor long ago. That’s when he noticed to colorful envelopes from the corner of his eyes, one with his name and another with Jeonghan’s. He grabbed the one with his name and opened it with curiosity.  Joshua chuckled to himself when he realized it was one of those cheesy ‘Class of 2014!’ cards. He opened it anyways and read the little note Jihoon had left.

 _Sorry I missed your graduation, congratulations. I’ll be cheering on for you in America!_ Next to it was an American $50 bill taped neatly on the card. Joshua raised his eyebrows at the message but really appreciated the thought. After all, Jihoon was never the type to tell you his feelings straightforwardly.

“August, huh?” He said to no one in particular and stared at the envelope with Jeonghan’s name written on it.

_July 31, 2014 8:12 PM_

A day where nothing memorable happened, but also a day Joshua would have printed in the back of his mind for the rest of his life.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new beginning

_June 10, 2014, 6:18PM_

A woman exits her car and starts to unload groceries from her car while Jeonghan sits in his car watching her. He notices the wrinkles around the woman’s eyes, the chipped paint of the fence, and the grass that looks like it hasn’t been cut for months. Millions of thoughts cross his mind but the only thing he manages to do is put the keys into the ignition. Just as he was about to step of the pedal he sees the woman drop all her groceries on the ground, fruits scattering all over the pavement.

Without a second thought, Jeonghan exits his car.

He picks up the apples that come across his way and fumble towards the woman who he calls his aunt. She seems to not have noticed him.

“Thank you so much,” she bows slightly and offers a gently smile.

It all changes when he eyes meet Jeonghan’s.

“Jeonghan… is that you?”

Jeonghan nods and puts the fallen apples into the bag and starts walking to the entrance.

_June 10, 2014 6:26PM_

“How are you doing?” Jiyoung asked as she set down a cup of tea in front of Jeonghan.

The question didn’t come out as a conversation start but rather a concerned statement.

“I just came to visit my mom. Is he still here?”

Jiyoung shifted in her seat and looked away from him. “I don’t have the right to say this but your father—“

Just as Jiyoung was about to finish her sentence a stranger covered in blood and bruises burst through the door and walked straight to the freezer.

“Seungcheol, what happened?!!!”

“You should know by now that it was that asshole.” Seungcheol opened the freezer and grabbed a pack of frozen vegetables. He flinched when the coolness hit his freshly made black eye.  “Who’s this?”

Jeonghan looked away uncomfortably. Bruises and blood always bring back bad memories.

“Seungcheol, this is—“

“Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan chugged down the rest of the tea that was in his cup. “I think I should leave.”

“Jeonghan, wait!” Jiyoung grabbed his wrist before Jeonghan was able to walk out the door. “There’s something that I need to tell you.”

“Aunt Jiyoung, just let him leave.” Seungcheol slouched down on the couch and pressed the vegetables closer to his skin.

“He’s scared of blood.” Seungcheol spoke in a mocking tone.

“Ya! Don’t talk to your brother like that!”

“What?” Both Seungcheol and Jeonghan said in unison.

“Jeonghan, Seungcheol, can you both sit still and listen to what I have to say?”

Jeonghan pulled away from Jiyoung’s grip and took a seat. The three of them sat in silence for a good twenty minutes. Jeonghan and Seungcheol were growing with anxiety as their aunt gathered her thoughts.

“Nineteen years ago your father had two children. One was born in August and the other in October… the thing is that these two children belonged to two different women.”

At this point Jeonghan couldn’t help but let out a bitter laugh.

“Another thing to add to the list of shit that asshole has done to my mom? All those nights she spent crying over the piece of trash…” Jeonghan turned to look at Seungcheol. “So tell me, what was he doing all those times he went missing?”

“What do you think he was doing? He was hurting _my_ mom!” Seungcheol yelled.

“Kids… I’m so sorry. I couldn’t do anything to keep my brother from turning into the monster he is.” Jiyoung buried her face in her hands and started to cry.

“You know,” Jeonghan stood up. “I should have never have come here.”

Just before he was about to leave, Jeonghan turned back and gave Seungcheol one last look. “It would have been better if we would have never met.”

_June 11, 2014 4:43PM_

“Mom, do you want to go back to Busan with me?”

“No.”

Jeonghan swallowed his sadness and continued peeling the orange in his hands.

“Why not?”

“I told you that I don’t want to go!”

“Mom.” Jeonghan grabbed his mother’s hand and gave her a stern look, “He’s never going to come and get you. He’s the one that put you in here! Why can’t you—“

Slap.

“Ms. Yoon, you know better than that!” One of the nurse’s came into the room that Jeonghan’s mom was staying in and started leading her out. “I’m sorry but you have to leave.”

“Yes. Please take care of her.” Jeonghan bowed deeply and watched his mother get taken away once more.

The same thing happened each time Jeonghan came to visit his mom so he wasn’t all the surprised. In a way, he started to grown numb to the pain his efforts caused him. But that doesn’t mean that it will stop hurting.

_June 12, 2014 8:39AM_

“Are you going back home now? I thought you were going to stay longer.”

“I was,” Jeonghan flipped over the pancake he was making for his aunt. “But I don’t think I can stay here any longer.”

“Why not?”

“Daegu—I don’t like it here. And with the way things are going, I don’t think I’m going to stay in Busan much longer.”

Jeonghan placed another pancake on the table. “Is he coming?”

“Seungcheol? He said that he was going somewhere but he didn’t say where.”

“Is that so…” Jeonghan started mixing more pancake batter just in case.

“I’m home!” Seungcheol walked in the kitchen and sat down. “Smells good.”

“Help yourself.”

“Oh? You’re back.”

Jeonghan ignored him and placed the last dish of breakfast on the table, which were eggs. 

Seungcheol took another bite of his meal and paused. “Ah, aunt Jiyoung, I’m leaving Daegu today. I thought I should let you know.”

“What?! Where are you going?”

“Don’t know. I have nothing to lose.”

“Are you crazy? Where are you going to stay? Do you have money? You don’t even know how to feed yourself!”

Seungcheol let out a carefree laugh while Jeonghan sat quietly eating his food.

“I’ll be fine. Besides, I have enough money to buy myself an apartment. In the meantime, I’ll find myself a job and who knows, maybe I’ll enroll in college.”

Jiyoung let out a sigh and sipped on her coffee. “Still…”

“Do you want to come with me?” Jeonghan didn’t look up from his plate, “if you want to, I mean.”

Seungcheol wanted to say yes at that moment for but some reason he was still at lost for words.

“Yes! Only if that’s okay for you…”

Jeonghan scratched his nape and looked up at Seungcheol and then at Jiyoung. “Fine with me. I’m leaving today though.”

“Fine with me.”

_June 12, 2014 9:20AM_

Seungcheol placed his last bag in the back of Jeonghan’s car and ran to the passenger’s seat.

“You ready?” Jeonghan placed the keys in the ignition.

“Do you mind if we stop somewhere before we leave?”

Jeonghan nodded.

_June 12, 2014 9:55AM_

Jeonghan walked behind Seungcheol as he led the way to his mother’s grave. His heart hurting more and more with each step they took. After a while of walking, Seungcheol bowed to a grave in front of him and sat down, placing flowers neatly in front of the tomb.

Jeonghan bowed deeply and sat down next to Seungcheol.

“Mom, your son is leaving Daegu. I don’t know if I’ll ever come back.” Seungcheol wiped away the couple of tears that fell from his eyes. “Don’t worry about me though… I have found myself a brother.”

Without much thought, Jeonghan started rubbing Seungcheol’s back.

“See you later, Mom.”

_June 12, 2014 10:16AM_

“Are you sure that’s all you want to say?”

Seungcheol sat in the passenger’s seat quietly while staring out the window. “Ah, there is one thing I want to say.” He looked at Jeonghan.

“Please don’t leave me.”

Jeonghan was taken aback by Seungcheol’s words but he urged him to continue talking.

“Ever since my mom left me, I was left with nothing. She was my world. She took all that I had with her…” Seungcheol gripped the seat belt and looked down at his thighs. “The thing is,”

Silence filled the car. Seungcheol looked out the window to find words to what he was trying to say.

“I don’t want nothing. I want to have something that makes life worth living again. Jeonghan, I know we only met a couple days ago but still. You’re the only person I have now. You’re the only one that can understand me and love me.”

Jeonghan smiled and turned on his car. “What are you saying? I can’t leave you. You’re my brother, after all.”

_June 12, 2014 10:24AM_

The day Jeonghan started a new adventure with Seungcheol with a promise.


End file.
